Failsafe
by acotede
Summary: One-Shot: A slight crossover using characters from Voltron and the plot of the Young Justice episodes "Failsafe" and "Disordered." The paladins are debriefing after a traumatizing training exercise and Allura probes Lance regarding his violent reaction to Keith's "death."


"So you want me to believe that after everything you've been through—witnessing your friends' deaths as well as dying yourself in a fiery explosion—you're peachy."

I was sitting upside-down in an armchair, my lanky legs thrown over the headrest, my eyes on the ceiling. Allura sat across from me a few feet away, leaning forward with her fingers intertwined.

"I'm pretty sure I've never used the word 'peachy,' but yeah, I think you got the gist." I was throwing popcorn in my mouth, the bowl on my chest.

"So you're completely unwilling to confront your extreme reaction to Keith's death?"

I choked on a piece of popcorn.

Wheezing, I tried to sit up and clear my lungs, my eyes watering.

"I'd rather talk about you, Allura," I said, winking in her direction and continuing to eat popcorn when the blockage had cleared. She sighed.

"Lance, you're in denial."

"I'm comfortable with that," I said, putting the bowl on the floor and stretching my hands behind my head, my legs dangling off the arm of the chair.

"Why don't we walk through what happened from the beginning?"

From the beginning? It was hard to find the beginning, because the simulation had started out bad and kept getting worse. I couldn't pick through all the different catastrophes to find the starting line. There was too much debris.

Shiro, the most levelheaded of the group, was the front of the infiltration plan. We were taking out a Galra war ship with our lions, unable to form Voltron because that was part of the exercise—every worst-case scenario come to life. The goal was to destroy the fighter ships and board the main Galra vessel in order to prevent it from destroying an entire planet. Maybe at this point, we still knew it was just a drill. It was impossible to tell.

Because of Keith's speed and reflexes, he was covering us as we blew up the Galra ships from close range. He was taking fire for me when it happened. I was using my lion's freezing ability and didn't notice a ship in my blind spot. I couldn't warn anyone or raise my shields—it was too sudden. I thought I was dead; the Galra cannons in the simulation were much stronger than they were in reality. But Keith jumped in front of me and took the blast head-on.

His lion was ripped apart.

Midst the floating debris, I saw his body, twisted and bloody among the stars.

At that moment, we all felt it—our hearts, synched up with the lions, mourning Keith with an intensity that made everything go white. Shiro said after the fact that I had been screaming, but I don't remember.

What our lions amplified in that moment showed how strong our bonds were, with both the machines and each other. It unearthed something that I'd been trying to bury every since Keith and I had become paladins together.

After the white, there was just a hollow in my chest. For a moment, I couldn't breathe. Then I thought of all the teasing, all the jokes that would never be made. The unsaid feelings that would never come to light.

I went berserk. The team had never seen me that angry— _I_ had never seen myself that angry. Symbiosis with my lion soared to a 100% performance rate as I killed Galra ships left and right, screams and gurgled profanities burning my throat.

It didn't matter. In the end, we all died. One by one.

When we woke up in the castle, lying prone on our backs and still attached to the simulation equipment, relief couldn't overcome the pain we still felt, lingering from disaster after disaster, death after death, that had started to feel real.

Coran told us that after Keith died, our emotional response completely screwed up the system. They couldn't bring our minds out of the simulation because we'd then accepted the exercise as reality. In short, our bonds were strong enough to remove us from the physical plain.

None of us were able to look at each other when we came out of the exercise. Our bodies didn't show what we'd experienced in the simulation, but I remember all of us crying after Keith was obliterated. All of us screaming each other's names and the names of our families.

Shiro blamed himself for not being the leader, for succumbing to emotion and forgetting it was an exercise. Pidge was ashamed for thinking of their family—they thought they'd been too distracted. Hunk's fists clenched as he thought of his fear, overwhelming and out of control.

And I thought about Keith.

About why I had really lost it.

This was why I was talking about my feelings. We all had to. We were spending the week debriefing so we could understand ourselves better, understand our weaknesses. Allura had the pleasure of playing school counselor.

"It was bad. We were all compromised. You saw the whole thing, why don't _you_ tell me what I was supposed to feel?"

"Lance, whatever you felt was valid. I'm just trying to help you find ways to cope with that."

"I cope with jokes and root beer floats."

Allura rolled her eyes. "You didn't joke in the simulation."

"Look, I don't know what happened. My teammate died in front of me. My reaction was pretty normal, all things considered."

Allura's eyes narrowed. "Do you think Keith should have saved you?"

I cast my eyes downward, unable to answer, unable to crack a joke when my stomach was turning.

"Because I think your real problem is that you're so busy trying to save everyone else, to be the hero and comic relief, that you don't think about your own self-worth. I think that you lost control because you couldn't stop thinking that you should have been the one to die."

I looked away, at the back of the chair, my hands gripping the popcorn bowl. They were shaking.

Allura sighed. "I never told you about the qualities the blue lion expects of his paladin, did I?"

"Takes the most handsome and best pilot of the bunch…" I murmured, my voice as far away as the memory from which I was quoting myself.

Ignoring me, Allura continued. "The blue paladin should be sensitive to those around him. He's a loyal team player, and will never back down. Because of this, he often finds himself emotionally compromised under pressure. Sound familiar?"

"That doesn't sound like me." My voice cracked. What the hell was happening? Where was my composure? Before I knew it, the words were falling out of my mouth without control. "I mess up. A lot. I'm hopelessly distracted and don't pay attention to details. I bicker all the time—" Keith's face flashed through my mind and I went silent.

"Lance, this is why you went berserk in the simulation. You're the most sensitive of the group, yet you don't give your strengths enough credit. When Keith died, you blamed your flaws and questioned your self-worth. The friendship you lost probably—"

"Allura." I said it steadily, my eyes suddenly on hers. My heart was pounding out of my chest, but I felt the need to correct her, to be honest with myself. "I'm—"

 _I'm bi._

 _I went crazy because I love him._

 _I love a boy._

 _I flirt with you because I'm desperate to keep it a secret._

"You're right. I thought it was my fault."

She seemed relieved, but unsatisfied. "Now we're getting somewhere. But you're still hiding something. Everyone else has made more progress during their sessions, everyone but you."

"I—look. Is it okay if we cut this one short? I have something I have to do."

She raised her eyebrows and huffed, crossing her arms and leaning back. "Fine. But don't think for a second you're getting out of this."

I nodded, grateful. My heart was still pounding. _I almost did it. I almost said it out loud._

But someone needed to hear those words first.

PAGE BREAK

I found Keith in his room behind a locked door. I almost didn't knock—I almost didn't want too. Voltron needed all five paladins, and this was something that could rupture everything we'd worked for. But if I kept bottling it up, I was just as likely become unstable and emotional on the battlefield—and not just in a simulation.

I knocked.

My stomach twisted violently.

"Who is it?"

"Your favorite paladin!" I sang through the door, unable to let my guard down, even now.

"Lance, go away," Keith growled. "Pidge has another PS4 controller if you need it."

"There's more to life than videogames, Keith. Can I come in?"

I heard a sigh, and then footsteps. The door slid open with ease and I was disarmed by the boy on the other side.

Keith was wearing a black t-shirt and gray sweatpants, the neckline loose from years of wear. His collarbones peeked from under the fraying fabric, a rare sight usually covered because of our uniforms. One hand was in his pocket, the other on the doorframe, and his hair was a mess, as if he'd been lying down before I knocked. I was a few inches taller than him, yet he looked up at me like I was a brat itching for trouble. I gulped, turning red.

"Your mullet is a mess," I commented.

He glared and tried to close the door on me.

"Wait wait wait!" I grunted, trying to keep the door open with my shoulder. "I just need to talk for a sec. I'm sorry."

Keith rolled his eyes and turned to walk into his room. "An apology? That's unlike you."

"I can be humble, I just choose not to," I said, following him inside. The door shut behind me, making me jump. With his back turned, he couldn't see how flustered I was, seeing him in casual clothes, seeing him _alive_ when just a few days ago I'd seen him die.

"I wanted to ask about the simulation."

Keith closed his eyes, looking strained. "Everyone knows I was the first to 'die.' I never thought it was real. I don't really have much to say."

"I just need to know why you threw yourself in front of that blast for me."

Keith was standing at his desk, fiddling with a paperweight and keeping his eyes away from mine.

"I don't know. It was a stressful situation. We're supposed to try and protect each other."

"Yeah, I know that. But you're the most tactical person on the team. I've never seen you do anything so reckless."

"Why do you care? It was a simulation."

Suddenly, anger swept over me. "Because it wasn't to _me._ Because I actually thought you _died_ and that it was my fault. Even now, I can't stop blaming myself for it. It should have been me."

Keith finally looked at me, his dark eyes piercing. "Don't say that."

I stepped closer, my hands in fists. "Why?! It's how I feel. I can't help that."

"Look, it wasn't your fault. Let's just try and forget it."

"I _can't_."

"Why? _Why_ are you so freaking stubborn?"

" _You're the stubborn one!_ "

Nothing that was coming out of my mouth was what I wanted to say. Keith was looking at the paperweight again, fingering it in his hands, quiet.

"…What are you hiding?" I ventured, suddenly suspicious. I stepped closer.

"What do you mean?" Keith snapped. He still wasn't looking at me.

"Look at me."

Keith kept his eyes on the paperweight, his lips tight with frustration.

"Keith, _look at me._ "

Nothing.

I was so angry. So angry at him for treating my feelings like they were simulations, for not telling me anything that went on his head, _ever._ For making me this flustered at the sight of the long hair on his neck, his eyes keeping secrets.

I closed the space between us and grabbed his face, kissing him.

He struggled, clenching my forearms with his hands and muffling in protest, the paperweight he was holding clattering to the floor. There was nowhere for him to run, his back against the wall.

Realizing what I was doing, realizing my impulsive mistake, I ripped my face away, my hands still on his skin, fingertips at the nape of his neck.

Keith grabbed my shirtfront and pulled me to his lips again before I could see what kind of face he was making.

My eyebrows shot up, eyes wide. His mouth was no longer hard, but soft under my own. The kisses became slow and deliberate, each touch making me grow warmer, each taste of his lips and brush of his eyelashes sending electricity through me. _You might never get this chance again,_ I thought, _so memorize this. Use this to calm your heart._

I thought I was melting. Without thinking, my hands traveled from his neck to his hips, making a slow descent past his chest and waist and relishing in the fact that his t-shirt was too thin to disguise the shape of his muscles. I pulled him as close as I dared (which was as close as I possibly could), the kisses deepening, my thumbs hooking into the waistband of his sweats, pressing into his hipbones. When I felt that he was hard, I gently pushed away.

We were both breathing heavily. He kept his hands on my chest, his fingers in tight fists. I was looking at him, waiting, but he kept his head down.

"I'm sorry," I finally mumbled. "That wasn't supposed to happen."

"Why do you keep apologizing?" Keith asked, still not looking up.

"I… that was crossing a line."

"Oh, so you have boundaries now?" Keith looked at me, smirking, trying to hide how unnerved he was. He ran one hand through his hair, dropping the other from my chest. They were trembling slightly.

"I don't want to have boundaries, but that's all up to you." I grinned and slipped my hands on his waist again, brushing his skin.

"Boundaries, _boundaries_!" Keith jumped, his arms back up at my chest, and I sighed. I was still amazed that he had kissed me back. The atmosphere had turned awkward, yet not altogether unpleasant. Keeping my hands where they were, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"I like you. That's why I went crazy in the simulation. It's why I flirt with Allura, even though it pisses Shiro off. I never thought—"

"That I could like you back? Me either."

Relief flooded me. "So it _is_ true! You totally jumped in front of that war ship to protect me. You totally looOooOve me."

"Lance, shut up," Keith said, trying to worm out of my grasp. He wasn't trying, not really—if he wanted me to let go he could just punch me in the face.

"You even cradled me in your arms after our first fight with the Galra. I am officially your damsel in distress."

"You're annoying, that's what you are," Keith muttered, pushing against my chest. He was so cute.

"Keith, you're in denial," I said, mimicking Allura. Naturally, he just thought I was being an asshat.

"If you don't let go of me in two seconds, I will punch you."

"Really," I teased, pulling him closer so our legs were flush. I hovered over his mouth and he blushed, averting his eyes. I wasn't angry with him anymore, I wasn't even nervous. But it did frustrate me that he _never looked at me._

"If you look at me," I whispered, "I'll kiss you."

"Then I'm going to stare at the wall until you leave."

I slid my hands up his shirt, up his back. The skin was hot.

His eyes found mine, wide and angry.

I grinned. "I win." Before he could protest, I kissed him again, not as soft or reserved as before.

When I slipped my tongue in, he really did punch me in the face.

PAGE BREAK

"You seem much better than yesterday."

I nodded. In fact, I couldn't keep from grinning.

"Much… better…" Allura eyed me suspiciously. "So, are you willing to talk a little more about your feelings today?"

I stretched out on the chair, ready to get this over with. "Yep," I sighed, "I have finally come to grips with what happened."

"…What was it, then?" Allura looked like she didn't believe a word coming from my mouth.

"I realized that I am a beautiful bisexual damsel in distress and that Keith is my knight in shining armor."

Allura's jaw fell open.

"I went to talk to him last night and the conversation went even _better_ than I could have hoped—"

Allura leapt across the room and covered my mouth, muffling the rest of my words.

"Yes. Okay. I believe you. You can stop talking now."

"Mrphmahf."

She removed her hands hesitantly.

"Does this mean my sessions are over?"

"Fine. As long as you remember what we talked about yesterday." She placed her hand on my shoulder and her eyes softened. "You can always talk to me about what you're feeling, Lance. I'm not going to think it's a weakness."

I smiled. Her counseling had helped me more than she would ever know.

"Thanks, but I'm all set, doc. I've got a new muse now." I leapt off the chair and left.

"Finally," Allura mumbled.


End file.
